I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
