I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
