Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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