Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
