I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
