I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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