I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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