Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
