Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
