I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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