What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
