I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
