you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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