I think scott just propositioned me for sex
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
