I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
