it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
