I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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