I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
