i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
