i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
