like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
