Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
