like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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