my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
