he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
