i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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