Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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