We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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