but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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