Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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