I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
