I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just found a bag of teeth...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
