Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
