I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
