Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
