I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
