Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
