He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
