my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
