Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
