soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
