it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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