i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
