GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
