A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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