and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
