turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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