just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
