member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
