oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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